Welcome to Part Five in the ‘Trouble With Trauma’ series…
In our last episode, I talked about our inner child and protector parts of self. That our ultimate need is for ‘connection’ and the fact that we are all seeking to be loved unconditionally….
The best that we can do is understand ourselves, understand how we react in our fear of rejection. We need to communicate that to our partner and understand how they react. Communicate that with our girlfriends and understand how they react. We need to recognise it in our workplaces and understand how the people who we work closest with react. This is important, because if I’m going to go into ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ and push people away and I have staff in my office, who all have little children parts who then feel rejected… We’re gonna have a problem!
If I have a partner and I get triggered into ‘Xena Warrior Princess’ and I haven’t prepared them, they also have their own protector part that will decide ‘See you later!’. Well, guess what? That relationship isn’t going to last very long. If we don’t understand each other, recognise each others protector and child parts and be able to take a step back and think – ‘Okay… So I know what’s going on here’. We can’t work out what I need to do, how I need to communicate what it is that I really need from this other person. How is it that I can be honest about what I’m actually feeling?
We need to be able to say to our partner – ‘I feel like I’m being rejected’, ‘I’m feeling like you don’t love me enough, to give me what I truly want… Which is a connection with you’. So then, I’ll either pretend that I don’t want the connection, or I’ll become miserable in my little space. I really am desperate for that connection, but I’m feeling too vulnerable to ever ask for it, because then you have the power to reject me again.
I feel like I’ve been in my soapbox, but this is the premise of the new book. I’ve been trying to put an ‘explainer video’ together as well, to just help people to understand where I’m coming from. Some people think that I shouldn’t be normalising trauma, but there are varying degrees of trauma. What I’m trying to help everybody understand is that… Trauma is a part of everyone’s life and we need to resolve our trauma. Early childhood trauma is particularly difficult and it has an impact on our health.
Our early childhood experiences, the trauma that we experience before the age of 12 (but really up until we are young adults) has an incredibly profound impact on our health. It’s been really interesting – I don’t expect you all to understand quantum physics, I don’t really understand quantum physics! However, Harvard University (and other major universities) came up with a way of measuring energy – this is part of quantum physics. Now you know I have talked about energy quite a bit, but I never quite understood why it was that I was talking about energy in this way, until I came across research that measured the vibration of emotion.
What is amazing about what they’ve done, and I know they did it a while ago so it’s not that new, but I’m just pulling these pieces of the jigsaw together, because it helps explain what I’ve been saying for years! I’ve been talking about the impact of trauma, just from an emotional level, but now I’ve got physiological evidence. The measurement of our energetic vibrational level, is absolutely pure quantum physics science – From Harvard! Nobody argues with Harvard.
The vibrational level of really negative emotions, like those that cause depression – shame, closely followed by guilt, fear and anger – they are really right down the lowest end of the vibrational chain. There’s a whole bunch of other emotions in between, such as courage. What’s at the top? Love. Compassion. Gratitude, at the very top is Enlightenment.
Now there’s an argument, feel free to read Dennis Genpo Merzel’s book ‘Big Mind, Big Heart’. You’ll see he talks about the concept of connecting to our ‘Big Mind and Big Heart’ and that is really enlightenment. It is that awareness point, where you realise that your energy is connected to all the other energy in the planet and that what you do has a little ripple effect – out into your community, into your state, your country, the world.